TFM/TSM/TNM

Fraternities and sororities are the Greek way of life on a college campus. Depending on where you are from and what college you went to, the Greek life can mean different things to you. For example, I’m from a state that isn’t quite the North and isn’t quite the South with both “Southern Ivy” schools and “no name” local schools. Growing up I always thought of the fraternities and sororities as excuses to party through college and be rude, snobby, and obnoxious to others.

Apparently, the members of said fraternities and sororities feel the same way, about themselves. I have recently been introduced to a website that boasts the “classiness” and rudeness of these individuals. Sometimes, when I am bored at the office, I like to peruse the website and chuckle at these people. These people who think it’s great to be unhealthily (anorexic) skinny and bitchy (TSM) or overly rich and mean (TFM) and want the world to know about it. In between my complete disdain and laughter, I had a moment. Why is there a website for these individuals but not for “nerdy, geeky” individuals that are not only bettering themselves, but the world? Oh right, because people like that do not care about boasting their accomplishments or the “total moves” that make them nerds.

Here are a just a few examples that I would expect to see on such a website:

Laying in bed with my Star Trek shirt reading Free Inquiry. TNM (total nerd move)

Following more philosophical and psychological blogs then professors. TNM.

Programming the broken computer when the tech guy doesn’t know how. TNM.

More books then clothes. TNM.

Buying an Ipad just for the news and reading apps. TNM.

Saving all of your textbooks for future reference; and actually referencing them. TNM.

Always using correct grammar and punctuation. TNM.

Not being concerned with other people’s thoughts, money, or clothes. TNM.

Actually voting for politicians on their issues, not on their color. TNM.

Yea, you get the idea ;-)

The New Feminism

As a modern, liberal woman living in America, I have always had strong feelings regarding the term “Feminist.” I am extremely grateful for the strong women that had the courage to stand up and fight for women everywhere, not just for themselves; however, I feel as if the movement and the term itself has radically changed since then.

The feminist movement was about equality for women, not special rights for women. These strong and courageous women risked everything they had to fight for equality—for the same exact rights that men have, not separate but equal rights. The women I see today embodying the term do not seem to want equality, for themselves, or for others. These women are interested in being recognized as strong, independent women, and therefore should have special recognition and treatment.

These are the same women saying “you can’t hit a girl, that’s wrong;” or, “I should have been hired because I’m a woman.” This is incorrect and sets the movement back. Feminism is about equality, full equality. More importantly, feminism is not solely about women. The point is equality…for all.
Unfortunately we have not come nearly as far as people like to believe we have. Nearly all individuals in America have some type of disadvantage, unless you are a Rich, Christian, Republican White Male. For everybody else there is some disadvantage or injustice. And programs such as affirmative action only make these injustices worse. Yes, we should help those who are disadvantaged and facing injustice, but we should help everybody that faces these issues and help them because they deserve it.

People should gain access and rights because they are human beings and they have those rights and they have that respect, not because of what color their skin is, what ethnicity they are, what gender, religion, or sexual orientation. It’s time we start respecting our fellow humans and treating them with basic rights and dignity. No excuses.

Adulthood

I have never quite understood the concept of childhood. Maybe that is because I feel as if I never got to fully experience childhood considering I was forced to “grow up” and help taking care of younger children at the ripe age of ten. From that moment on life was not about me and my wants anymore; there were other people and other responsibilities to be attended to. With two younger siblings, school, and a rigorous dance and cheerleading schedule, I quickly became accustomed to routines and taking care of responsibilities.

Childhood was no more. I was mature and “wise beyond my years.” Everyday struggles were not the end of the world to me during my high school years, as they were to some of my friends. When I lived with my dad and was responsible for everything I did or needed—including food and school supplies, I didn’t throw a fit. I simply went to work, and bought the items I needed. Of course there was some disdain towards my father, but those stories are for another time and post. It was life and it went on; I never gave it much thought.

My fiancé and fellow blogger has recently been giving the concept of adulthood thought. This of course leads me to give the concept considerable thought as well. To me, being adult was always what was expected, the “right” thing to do. Adulthood was about taking care of responsibilities and needs first, and wants and desires second. The adults in my life did just that. They awoke, took care of their kids, went to work, and came home. Upon returning home is when wants could be met, mostly because responsibilities had previously been taken care of for the day. I never associated maturity with adulthood, I do not see as if they are connected. Maturity is a whole different concept, again, for another time and post.

My fiancé sees this point of view and equates it to valuing “economics over ethics,” or “compromising your values for a check.” Sense I have seen and know the individuals he grew up around, I can clearly see his point; however, I again differ. Some people act this way; however, I would question their maturity. They may be encompassing some tenants of adulthood—taking care of responsibilities. However, I would question if their “check” is in fact being used towards responsibilities or wants. What people often leave out when they are “teaching” young children about adulthood and the ways of society is the need for balance.

And that is ultimately what adulthood is about—balance. Balance between taking care of responsibilities and needs and taking care of wants and desires. Find a balance between ethics and economics, between values and money, between work and love and social. Adulthood is about being comfortable with who you are and accepting the struggles in life and finding the balance to make it all work for you. Make it work for you, not everybody else; not your parents, not your partner, not your teachers, but for you. That is what adulthood is really about.

Differences

As I listened to one of the most conservative women I know ramble on about the sanctity of marriage and family and children, and blah blah blah, I took a quick second to look around the room at the other students. I realized that I was surrounded my other women, with only five members of the male species in a class of thirty-two. This amazed me and I instantly felt grateful for the opportunities I have as a woman in America.

Sure, there is a long way to go for women, but is true for everybody. There may be a current battle to remove some of the basic rights that I have as a woman; however I should occasionally take the time to be appreciative of all that I do have. I have the right to education, and more importantly I have the right to higher education. I also have the right to disagree with other women in my classes when they don’t understand more liberal points of views and morals. And that is ok.

Not everybody is going to believe the exact same thing as me. I may at points think a little bit less of them intellectually, but that differing opinion is great for growth and challenge. The important thing is to listen and respect those differing opinions and not automatically reject them because they oppose your views. Too often that happens, and yes, I am even guilty of it from time to time.
But the key to diversity is basic tolerance and respect. You don’t have to agree with everybody and you don’t have to tolerate one hundred percent every single person’s beliefs; but as long as you respect that people are different and that they have the right to be different, I feel as if this world would make great progress.

Disconnect

I live for the stage. There is nothing quite like pouring my heart in soul into a performance under the bright lights. It’s exhilarating and freeing; it’s true joy. I’ve spent most of my life performing in some way or the other, even if I was not technically on a stage.

Always an extrovert, performing in front of strangers, and even speaking to strangers was never really a problem for me. Friends and conversations not only came easily but also as if they were natural to me. However, this seems to have changed.

My group of friends has greatly diminished, but the few that remain are the true, real friends (and I wouldn’t give that up for anything). My ease of conversation has diminished as well; I’ve noticed at times, even with my close friends, I struggle to find topics to discuss and enjoy a conversation around. Recently, I’ve had a struggle holding conversations with acquaintances and co-workers, due to my lack of interest and knowledge in the “everyday American life.” For example, I do not watch television shows or really know, nor care, about the day to day lives of these individuals. This causes a disconnection in conversations as I am unaware of what they are talking about, and I really just don’t care. But now, this struggle has begun to seep into my closer relationships.

Instead of going out on Friday nights with a bunch of friends, partying and dancing, I prefer to stay in with the honey and read and find meaningful conversations. I love this about my life. But I seem to have completely wrapped up in myself and my own world.

Material Posessions and Happiness

I grew up in two very different worlds, thanks the luxury of having divorced parents. Throughout most of my life I lived with my mother and stepfather; however, I pulled a stint with my biological father for a few years. The difference between the two households is astounding; let me break it down for you.

I lived with my biological father in the rural area of Jetersville (part of Amelia) in a quaint little trailer. I attend high school with a total population of around 500 students and I did my homework on an old IBM computer with Windows 95. We didn’t have nice things per say, but we also didn’t care or even try to achieve them. We were pretty content with what we had and just enjoyed life; he especially did the enjoying part. Clearly, there was no class anxiety or wishes going on in this household.

In contrast, my mother and that family live in completely different world. My siblings (and I for the most part) grew up in a nice, two story home, in a very nice neighborhood in Powhatan. The house included such luxuries as ceramic tile, granite countertops, marble countertops, hardwood floors, and vaulted ceilings. We never truly wanted for anything—including the five vehicles that were once parked in our paved driveway.

You may think that the real difference is money and the nicer things in live that one family had and the other did not; however, that is incorrect. The difference is not money, in fact in the past (and I’d venture to say presently as well) both families made roughly around the same amount of money. Yes, there were times when my mother was a little more well off due to her husband owning a company—some years are better than others—but for the majority of the time the incomes were fairly relative.

The difference is the “keeping up with the joneses” effect. My parents have the uncontrollable need to appear as if they are upper-middle class and go to great lengths to keep that image up. Half of the items in the house, the driveway, and the two garages, oh, and the lake house are unnecessary. And they do not bring them any more happiness. In fact, my father, in his (now) little apartment is a hell of a lot happier than my mother and step father could ever dream to be….because he doesn’t care. He has the items he needs to survive and the items he wants, those items that bring him joy. Sure, he has a lake house too and some items that could be deemed unnecessary; however, he gets joy from those, my parents do not.

This seems to be the case with a lot of families. They long for bigger and better items that they cannot afford, just because people they know have them or they are under the illusion that luxury items bring happiness. They quickly find out that the opposite is true, and then they are stuck in debt. Our culture is crazy. Between celebrity worship, money worship, and material worship, it is no wonder we are not all batshit crazy.

Transitions of Live

Growing up I enjoyed life in a small, country area with one stoplight and more cows than people. The most important material possessions are your home (not necessarily an actual home), your truck, your farm equipment, and sometimes, your guns. In town such as that, everybody knows everybody and everybody’s family…in some cases, everybody is your family.

As can be expected, after years of the country life, when given the opportunity to run, I ran in the opposite direction. This morning I noticed for the first time the true contrast between my “new life” and my “home life.”

Thursdays are usually my best morning, as I don’t have to go into work until 9:00 am. This morning, I awoke nice and refreshed and was able to get moving rather quickly. I even was able to make myself breakfast, get all my morning routines down and with time to spare. Due to this spare time (and the lack of bottled beverages to transport to the office with me) I decided to stop at Starbucks for some coffee on my way into work. This is where the difference struck me.
It wasn’t until I was standing in line, people watching that I realized the true affluentcy of the neighborhood I now live in. The time was 8:30 am and the café was packed—not with people in line trying to get their rush before the work day started, but with “yuppies” just hanging out and talking with their neighbors. Some of the conversation centered around which colleges their children were going to attend in the fall, some were about their morning workout, and others were about their upcoming garden. Once I got over the amount of people just hanging out and discussing their lives, as if nothing else was going on or that they needed to get anywhere, I began to notice the style of dress and the vehicles in the parking lot.

You see, I live in what some people would call “the rich side of town.” The area my apartment complex is in has a community of townhomes as well as a community of $500,000 + homes, all with water views. In fact, when I look out my back door at the apartment, I too have a water view. There is a spa and an expensive chic boutique in the same area. Oh, and a Starbucks. These people have money, and nice material possessions, and they want everybody to know it. It seems as if they don’t have a care in the world.

For contrast, if you were to go into any of the country dinners in my home town (we don’t have any fancy cafes) at 8:30 in the morning, it would relatively empty. You may find a few older individuals enjoying a cup of coffee, the newspaper, and some company but other than that, the area would be slim. However, at 6:00 am, the place would be hopping with farmers and workers ready to start the day. The parking lot would be full of pickup trucks and run down farm vehicles; and the clothing would most likely be overalls. Yet, these individuals are just as happy and fulfilled with their lives (if not more so) then the “well-off” individuals spending their mornings in a uppity café.

Oh, how our lives transition us.