I spent my entire life believing that you were the good guy. I believed every word that came out of your mouth and often “punished” others for your lies. I did anything and everything you asked, and never once did I receive a thank you.
I’ve spent my life performing, not just on stage, but for you as well. When something was wrong, I came to you. No matter what my problem was there were only two responses from you—lies or downplaying. Yet, I still came running.
But now that I have discovered that you are in fact the bad guy and that everything that is crashing down right now is your fault, who do I run to? Due to your lies in the past, I can’t run to anybody else. I want you to know that you caused all of this, maybe not one hundred percent directly, but indirectly, your misdoings caused it.
When you look at your other two children and you see the selfish hellians they have become, I want you to know that they have just followed your example. When they yell and disrespect you, you should know it is because they watch you do it not only to them but also to your husband. Now, they are watching you destroy a company and a family, to “keep a lifestyle.” I hope it was worth you to you.
I hope when you come home in the afternoon and everybody leaves your presence, and you’re left all alone with nobody to help you, I hope you remember how good I was to you and the present you gave me in return.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Life = Change
Life has a tendency to change on you every now and then. This must be now. As the year comes to a close, I find myself in a whirlwind of change, some positive and some negative, some major and some minor.
At the end of the year I tend to look back on the year and reflect; however, this year I find myself looking back on my life in general. I’ve spent my entire life being chained down to others and their lies. Now, as the time flies by I am beginning to break free.
Growing up I was always led to believe that out of my two biological parents, one was the “good parent” and the other was the “bad parent.” Throughout the years my parents often portrayed their respective roles, with some variation on occasion. Unsurprisingly, I bought into this lie and truly believed that one was the “good parent.”
I looked up to the “good parent” and often incorporated personality traits, after all it was “the good parent” to which I was chained down to. However, now that I have broken free and am realizing that wings do actually span, I can see the truth.
And that truth is that neither of them are the “good parent,” but both are too similar to really differentiate. While one was continually absent, the other was present but lying and robbing me at every second. Yet, I believed every word. I placed my future and financial health in those hands and now I’m facing even bigger change.
Due to the trust that not only I but my employer placed in this parent, I am on my way to becoming unemployed. However, this cuts one more link of that chain away as well. While it is beyond depressing to know that certain actions and misdoings have caused a business of ten years to sell out, possibly a marriage to end, and a disengagement of trust and believe; it is surprisingly pleasant to be able to free.
So as I sit here in my new apartment, reflecting on the past year and my life, I am able to remove myself from the situation and look back as objectively as possible. And I see that the signs were all there, but I was too blinded by trust and belief. As the walls begin to crash down on my previous life, I can fly away and glance back and be glad to know that I have survived the storm (for now).
At the end of the year I tend to look back on the year and reflect; however, this year I find myself looking back on my life in general. I’ve spent my entire life being chained down to others and their lies. Now, as the time flies by I am beginning to break free.
Growing up I was always led to believe that out of my two biological parents, one was the “good parent” and the other was the “bad parent.” Throughout the years my parents often portrayed their respective roles, with some variation on occasion. Unsurprisingly, I bought into this lie and truly believed that one was the “good parent.”
I looked up to the “good parent” and often incorporated personality traits, after all it was “the good parent” to which I was chained down to. However, now that I have broken free and am realizing that wings do actually span, I can see the truth.
And that truth is that neither of them are the “good parent,” but both are too similar to really differentiate. While one was continually absent, the other was present but lying and robbing me at every second. Yet, I believed every word. I placed my future and financial health in those hands and now I’m facing even bigger change.
Due to the trust that not only I but my employer placed in this parent, I am on my way to becoming unemployed. However, this cuts one more link of that chain away as well. While it is beyond depressing to know that certain actions and misdoings have caused a business of ten years to sell out, possibly a marriage to end, and a disengagement of trust and believe; it is surprisingly pleasant to be able to free.
So as I sit here in my new apartment, reflecting on the past year and my life, I am able to remove myself from the situation and look back as objectively as possible. And I see that the signs were all there, but I was too blinded by trust and belief. As the walls begin to crash down on my previous life, I can fly away and glance back and be glad to know that I have survived the storm (for now).
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