The turmoils of uniqueness

As I slowly begin to pull together ideas and information for an upcoming wedding, I am becoming more and more frustrated. For those of you who have never had the pleasure of simply flipping through a wedding magazine, this may be eye opening. A quick glance will prove all stereotypes about the blushing bride and perfect, magical wedding; complete with long, flowing white princess ball gowns, tons of girls in matching pink dresses, and roses all around. Aww, how sweet and perfect.

Except it’s not me, in fact I’d venture to guess it’s not a lot of people. After going through quite a few wedding books I got thoroughly discouraged at the complete lack of dresses that were not floor length and ball gown worthy. Where are the short, or even tea length dresses? Hopefully come spring and summer there will be more options, but I’m not holding my breath.

For those brides that aren’t cookie cutter stereotypes and want to have a more personal, reflective wedding, well you’re on your own out there. Luckily, we have the internet with lots of other choices. Hopefully my search will get better and I’ll be able to find more items that are truer to fiancé and myself…until then.

STRESS

Stress, he’s a nasty little booger. At one point in my life I was a stress basket, literally. I stressed about anything and everything, no matter the size. School was a stressor, work was a stressor, cheerleading and dance were both stressors, my family was a stressor, the car was a stressor, sports and activities were a stressor, and relationships were a stressor. If it was an aspect of life, it caused me stress.

Obviously, this is unhealthy. It has been shown that Type A personalities have a higher chance of having cardiovascular problems in their future. Stressing too much is unhealthy and can have lifelong effects. In undergrad I took a stress management course and committed myself to really incorporating the information and trying to make some changes. The course helped a bit; however, with three other courses and life going on I didn’t succeed but so much.

Recently, however, I have regained control over my life and things don’t really stress me like they once did. I attribute this to lots of different things, mainly my fiancé. So much has come out of my relationship that I honestly can admit that I would be a completely different person if it wasn’t for him. He not only broke through my defenses and unlocked my chains to release the true me but he also showed me that life is fun, not a competition. With him I have solidified my personality, my religious beliefs, my political beliefs, and my future goals. Finding out who I am (and my perfect match) has really eased some stress. That, and the introduction of yoga into my life; which I can again thank my fiancé for.

Anyway, this is about stress, not how amazing my future husband is. I don’t stress over things anymore. I let them ride and I concentrate on the here and now. Graduate school is difficult and time consuming; however, I’m staying on top of my course load and making great grades. No reason to stress, just learn the material and apply it. I’ve been rather surprised at my lack of stress regarding classes. Work should stress me out, “owning” your own business is extremely stressful, but it doesn’t—things will work out one way or the other.

I’ve been pretty much stress free and loving it. I had almost forgotten what stressing out felt like. Until now. As I look at the upcoming calendar I can feel some of the stress creeping back up in my soul. All of my big assignments are coming due and all of them are due on either one of two days (with the exception of exams). I have one test and two papers due in a week and a half; four papers due in three and a half weeks. It is definitely crunch time and I am beginning to feel it.

Not only is graduate school coming to a close (this semester) stressing me out (slightly) but also I am trying to move out in a little less than two months. Now, I’ve been planning this for a while and it is not a money issue—that does not worry or stress me—it is a moving issue. Nothing really stresses me out quite like backing your entire life up and moving away from home, it’s stressful; especially starting out brand new without having necessary items.
Add to that a wedding to plan and I’m reaching my threshold. Funny that three years ago this would have been just another day in my life and now three major life events (ok two plus graduate school) and my self-composure begins to unravel. Note that the wedding planning is stressful enough on its own.

What have I done to combat this old foe? Well, I tried last night and failed. First, let me say last night was when I realized everything was coming due on either one of two days and I had been looking at wedding stuff. I tried to paint my nails (showing off a diamond really makes you notice how bad your nails look) and after 30 minutes of trying and continually smudging or chipping them, I got angry and gave up. That’s when I knew there was a problem. Not having my trusty iPod with my relaxation music, I improvised the best I could and spent about another 45 minutes doing relaxation yoga postures and “meditation” (it’s in quotes because I’m not skilled or anything) followed by a restful sleep.

Life is full and complex, and totally worth it. Some points are stressful but it’s all worth it in the end. Taking a bunch of classes is totally stressful, especially with lots of assignments, but receiving that Master’s degree and working in a field I love will be worth it. Moving is stressful but waking up and coming home to my own place, with my love, will be worth it. And planning a wedding is stressful, but being surrounded by people we love and celebrating the story of us will be worth it…especially years from now when we look back in smile.

Vote 2010

When you’re young politics is a foreign language, hell even a foreign country. So, I was rather surprised last night when my younger sister volunteered into the conversation last night regarding today’s election. After informing my parents of the election and the candidates—without offering an opinion, because we all know where that would have led—my little sister informs me of a project she had to do in researching both of my district’s congressional candidates.

“Who should I vote for then?” I quickly asked, since she had done the research. Without hesitation she responded with the Republican candidate’s name. Curious, I questioned why. I received the usual answers, including that his opponent only talked about the issues, not what he has done or what he will do. When I pointed out the opponent has never served office, is a doctor, and cannot make promises regarding polices as the whole House has to vote, she quickly added another reason. This one being something about the Republican candidate wanting to do more with education and make Pell grants more available; questioned why the country should take on more debt when we already have 13 trillion in debt, she gave up.

I noticed the defeat on her face and informed her that my mind had already been made up and was not trying to make her feel bad. I was simply illustrating the point that politics and political decisions are complex and not for the faint at heart. There’s a reason why there is a voting age, it is so you can make your own decisions instead of regurgitating your parents and peers.
Remember to vote today. No matter your political affiliation, vote. It could really mean the difference between the past and the future.

Speak Now #3

Life is hard, difficult, and anxiety producing. Change is just as complex and difficult as life is. Yet, you have done an amazing job. We have all had our struggles, yet you always make it through; you have this refusal to let live knock you down; or turn out like others in your world. I don’t tell you nearly enough how much progress you have truly made.

You have progressed so much recently regarding certain relationships and I believe that healing is beginning to take place. You have discovered the joy in healthy relationships and are succeeding very well at those. I hear you’re recently engaged as well; congratulations…that’s healthy!

You’ve come a long way in realizing your role in this world and are doing a great job of adjusting to that. It is difficult to remain in your role (for example, sibling) instead of stepping up and over taking another role (for example, parent). You can’t protect them forever, but you can be there when the world knocks them down to help heal.

While I know you still hate your job, you have realized it is not permanent and are beginning to focus on brighter and new tomorrows. This is brightened your outlook as well. And your grades are improving, the future looks bright. I’m proud of you. You have made tremendous progress.

Beautiful Life

As a child I dreamed about growing up, falling in love, and having a fairytale wedding. Like most little girls, we all dreamed and planned about our own personal prince charming and our Cinderella dresses and getting married in a castle, like a true princess. Our main focus was the wedding, especially the dress.

As I got a little older, and unfortunately watched many marriages fail, it became more about the romance, about the love then it did the wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I still dreamed and planned about my wedding…I am still a girl after all. But dresses didn’t matter, or flowers quite as much finding the perfect man to be with.

Now that I’ve found that perfect man and can say I am quite a radiant bride (to be), I can return my attention to the dream of a beautiful wedding. Yet, no amount of flowers or a dress will make it beautiful, our love makes it beautiful and that is enough for me. The location is what makes it special, it brings the story of our relationship back around full circle, and in truth that is the most important aspect to me.

These past few days waking up and knowing that I am going to commit my life to the one person for me as been beyond words. Even my negative, hate filled family hasn’t been able to bring me down. I hope this feeling lasts throughout the stresses of moving, planning a wedding, and going to graduate school. Ah, life, how beautiful thy is.