Learn What You Live

Growing up I had a beautiful framed picture of a well known poem titled Children Learn What They Live. I read it daily growing up and I remember taking to heart what it said and making a decision to not learn what I live. I feel as if I have done pretty well, especially considering the poem, which I have kindly posted below for you:

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

For those of you who know me and my family, you can easily tell that while I may have initially learned the environment in which I lived, I, however, have managed to learn and maintain the exact opposite of the environment in which I grew up. Sadly, I’m not so sure I can say the same for my younger siblings.

I am constantly reminded of the starch differences between them and myself, and even my family. A positive focused “elitist” who leans to the left and cares about her health and diet choices is the opposite of my negative country conservative family who would eat red meat and potatoes and candy all day long. My younger siblings seem to have embraced that life and live it. I don’t feel as if the above poem truly fits the way they learn and live; but I was able to find one titled Teenagers Learn What They Live. I think it describes them well:

If teenagers live with pressure, they learn to be stressed.
If teenagers live with failure, they learn to give up.
If teenagers live with rejection, they learn to feel lost.
If teenagers live with too many rules, they learn to get around them.
If teenagers live with too few rules, they learn to ignore the needs of others.
If teenagers live with broken promises, they learn to be disappointed.
If teenagers live with respect, they learn to honour others.
If teenagers live with trust, they learn to tell the truth.
If teenagers live with openness, they learn to discover themselves.
If teenagers live with natural consequences, they learn to be accountable.
If teenagers live with responsibility, they learn to be self-reliant.
If teenagers live with healthy habits, they learn to be kind to their bodies.
If teenagers live with support, they learn to feel good about themselves.
If teenagers live with creativity, they learn to share who they are.
If teenagers live with caring attention, they learn how to love.
If teenagers live with positive expectations, they learn to help build a better world.

Again, for those of you who know me and my family, I am sure you would agree that my siblings have in fact learned what they live. Anybody who stays in our house for longer than an hour will see testament to this: the way my mother and step father talk to one another is the same way in which my brother and sister speak to one another. In fact, I listened to my mother yell at the kids last night and then slam her bedroom door, only to hear my sister then yell at my brother and slam her bedroom door. Like mother like daughter.

However, what sticks out to me the most in this poem are the lines regarding rules. Growing up I had many rules, such as rules regarding chores and homework which had to be done by a certain time, rules regarding time limits on the phone and watching television, and rules regarding my grades. If these rules were broken I was punished, usually by being ground from everything, and yes I mean everything. I learned that rules are necessary in the way of life and learned respect for them, and for others.

Clearly, my siblings have not had this same experience. And I say this because I watch it. Progress reports were issued last week and my brother’s was terrible—grades I, myself, have never received. Appalled by these grades, I set back and was ready to watch the terror unfold. Sadly, I was greatly disappointed. There was the stern lecture, or yelling as we do in my house, and the usual new polices placed to be sure homework gets done, but that was it. The Monday after they were issued (note, Monday is a school night), my brother was out until 9:00 at a football game—no he does not play. Every day I have come home and he has either been at a friend’s house or watching television…not doing homework or sulking in his room because he is grounded.

This made me think back to all the other rules and how they don’t seem to apply to him, and he knows this. This is actually why his grades are poor, because he doesn’t care and doesn’t want to…and he gets away with it. So what has he learned, that he can get away with anything, rules don’t apply to him, and a complete disrespect for other people’s belongings.

And people wonder why I can’t wait to leave my house and why I don’t want kids. Stay a week at my place, you’ll understand.