In a world filled with hate and loneliness, some wonder if such a thing as love truly exists. As a child I watched marriages and relationships deteriorate, constantly. My parents were divorced early on, so I grew up in a world of failed love, from the very beginning. In this time I watched my mom have a few relationships, almost marry and move to Illinois, and get her heart broken. I also watched my father go through a few relationships and marry again. To add more failed love, I watched my uncle (who was living with my grandparents) do the same thing. To young eyes, this was confusing, I was unsure about love.
During the constant witnessing of failed love, I did have one, one singular image of love—my grandparents. Watching the two them gave me hope as I grew older, I had witnessed one relationship last and had seen love first hand…it was enough for me to believe it existed. I was so grounded in my belief of love and that two people could meet and always be together.
Unfortunately, I reached an age where I realized that even those two had not always been together and had both been previously married. At this point I realized that I did not know a single person that had married and always been with that person. Marriage was ruined for me.
I grew up with the thought of love and marriage as a pointless institution…it didn’t work, it was a failure. Jaded and confused, I continued with my life. Sadly, during this time, I watched my father get divorced again and begin dating a new girl, again. This only solidified my feelings.
In high school I had some great friends, some which agreed with me and some which did not. However, in high school, I met a boy. This boy turned my world upside down and gave me some hope; maybe love and marriage could work. He mentioned it senior year, we discussed it, and I made plans to move to be with him. He had instilled enough hope and illusion in me that I believed it was possible. Like most high school love stories, this one also failed…and again my hope was destroyed.
Fast forward a few more years and I again watch my dad get divorced, for a third time, and dating a new girl…going down the exact same road. At this point, I have found a wonderful guy who has not only made the sun shine a little bit brighter but installed not only the hope of marriage but also the desire. I accepted that my dad’s continuous failure could not be blamed on anything but him, and stopped applying his life as examples to mine.
And with that, I fell even father into love and gave up my inhibitions. With each passing day I am surprised at how one can feel about somebody and one simple look can change the entire world. I know understand what my grandparents have and the simple way my grandmothers eyes will light up when my grandfather walks into the room—he is her brightly shining sun and he brightens her world. I too, have a brightly shining sun and I’m willing to take the risk on a once thought to be a failed institution.
Stay tuned for updates on the process….
=)
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