September 5th...

Four years ago I received a frantic phone call from my best friend; the unimaginable had happened. It was the beginning of her freshman year at college, and sadly her father had passed away. The date was September 5th. After that frantic phone call, a roller coaster of emotion went through me; I immediately went into action mode. Things calmed down, time has passed, and wounds are still healing.

Flash forward four years and I received another frantic phone call; this time, from my dad’s best friend. Again, the unimaginable has happened, the date was September 5th. The phone call I received this year was slightly different—it was my father having a heart attack and seizure, and he survived…so far. Again, a roller coaster of emotion went through me and I went into action mode.

As many of you know, the relationship between my father and me is not always stable. Until this past weekend, we had not spoken since April. However, even with those emotions and distance, I still jumped in my car and drove the three hours to be by his side in the hospital awaiting answers. Unfortunately, we were in a rinky-dink hospital and we still have no answers. My father has been released and his staying with his dad until he feels better, daily updates have been established.

Now that things have calmed down a bit and I’ve had some time to reflect on the events and the relationship, it saddens me to say that I do not think this is a life altering experience. I am afraid to say that after a few weeks and the scare has all died away; my father and I will drift back into our separate lives; only speaking at holidays and in emergencies. Still, even knowing this and having the strained relationship, I will go running every time.

Yes, there are things fundamentally different about my father and I; there are experiences in the past that cannot be overcome; there is distance that is too deep; but in the end he is my father and I am the only family he has left. I have often wondered why I continue to hang on and give out chances the way I do, even though I know nothing will change. My expectations are no longer what they once were; I am aware that this is how the story goes and honestly, I have accepted it and embraced it. But yet, I still go to his side…and I’ve found because my story has ended radically different than my best friend.

And that’s a key difference. I have lived watching her pain and her regret and it kills me to know I cannot do anything about it. So, for her and for him, I will always go to his side. Even though he doesn’t come running for me, I am a better person then him…